There are many things Apple is responsible for. We’re not going to talk about those today.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and backwater mall food court employee break room, Ewan Spence proclaims that ’twas not a dingo ate your baby but rather an “Apple iOS 9.0.2 Flaws Let Facebook Eat Your iPhone Battery.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Nick Heer and Stefan BurtonSchnüll.)

The Macalope says unto you: Balderdash. A harsh word? Perhaps. But harsh times call for harsh words.

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