Breaking news: Apple’s stock is not—repeat: NOT—performing according to the fan fiction version of Apple’s stock performance.

Writing for The Sydney Morning Herald, Hannah Francis says “Gravity shakes Apple to the core.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @_HairForceOne.)

Get it? Apple? Core?

“And thou shalt know of me by the seeing of what I hath done there.” —Probably not Leviticus 10.

Of course, Francis is actually talking about AAPL, not Apple. Yes, AAPL the stock has erased all its gains of the year, that is true. Exactly like the Dow Jones Industrial Average has. The context of the broader market movement is apparently not relevant, though, since it was mentioned nowhere in this piece. What is apparently important to know, since it is mentioned, is that Steve Jobs, the “the driving entrepreneur and inventor behind the brand,” died in 2011.

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