Apple’s share price is committing the unpardonable sin of failing to do any better than the rest of the market so clearly it’s time for Apple to stop being Apple.

Look, the Macalope doesn’t make up the capricious rules that govern Wall Street, he just reports them.

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and “lightly used” pimento loaf refurbishing center, Jay Somaney says that “While Tim Cook Gloats About CIA-Like Secrecy At Apple, Shareholders Should Be Very Worried.” (Tip o’ the antlers to Grant Winkler.)

How worried? Very worried. How very worried? Extremely very worried. The Macalope doesn’t want to yell “fire” in a crowded movie house, but possibly even Code Red Phantom Viper extremely very worried. It may be that serious.

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